Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
