party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
