M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
