Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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