wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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