Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
