i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
