Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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