Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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