Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?