the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
