and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?