look no pants
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead