All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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