I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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