um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had me at cake vodka
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
