Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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