a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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