what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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