all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I party with great urgency now.
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