I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
