Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
