1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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