Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
