god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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