If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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