Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
