this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
