if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
