Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
