the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
