is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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