Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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