as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
