I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize