This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
