I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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