I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
