Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
