Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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