I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
