I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
