You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
