8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
