I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
