i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
