No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
