you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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