You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
