Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
