I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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