omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
