if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
