oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
