How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
