No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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