Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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