she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
