They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
