we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
