I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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