allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
