I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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