"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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