I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
