did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
