remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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