There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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