I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
