so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
