Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
high people should be assigned attendants
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
