Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
