There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
