the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
