Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
