Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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