if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
