DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
