Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
